i have this feeling in me. anticipation. frustration. plain fear. i don't know what to call it. its like i know something's bad gonna happen. i don't feel at rest and my heart and head is in this constant tug-of-war of thoughts. usually this involves two parties or in this case thoughts. but in my case there are gazillion thoughts in my head. each one of them fighting for the spot in the limelight. i haven't chosen to give any one of this thoughts any attention. and they're all so jumbled up. imagine a knot in the middle with a thousand ropes coming out from me. everyone pulling from different directions. maybe this is a sign of insanity. i chose to reform my blog. transform everything about it and only kept the essence of it there. i think i might have developed a phobia. i fear that people will stalk me and take pics of me and create false rumours. but who do i think i am? no one would WANT to stalk me . but nevertheless, it never lessens that fear in me. and that is precisely the reason why i chose to alter my blog. and it might just be paranoia on my part but i've got my reason for feeling that way.

today's the 18th. i'm counting down and there's 11 eleven days left.

18th dec 4:50 pm