today's one of those rare days when i post 2 posts instead of just one. it seems like today has been such an uneventful day that i've gotten so much time and space to wallow in myself and to think about everything that's going on around me. i thought i was okay a moment ago but now it feels like i'm bursting at the seams. i guess i am truly what you call bipolar.
everyone seems to be busy doing something else. with some other people. while i'm lying here alone typing furiously on this tiny laptop. and i might sound like a sad case of sour grapes but heck that's how i feel and i clearly know that it is of my own fault and my faults alone. i've never been good at keeping a lot of friends. i tend to close in on one when i find that that person is truly someone i can connect with both emotionally and mentally. and i guess that along the way i have lost track of all the other friends that i have actually connected with but have merely dismissed them as temporary or shallow. i have never been good in large crowds, have always been putting up this front cause its a case of i-don't-know-who-you-are and i-dont-care-who-you-are to even try and be open about myself and my feelings. and it seems like along the way they kinda sensed that i was being like that and i guess somehow lost interest half way . then decided to get on with more truthful (or so they seem to be) people. i've been thinking alot about it lately and i guess that's the most sound reason when i see my close friends (or at least 'once' close friends) choosing to hang out with other ppl over me. gosh i sound so childish i hate myself for even feeling this way or for even noticing these things. and of course there are those rare finds where i get to meet this awesome person and we click and everything but we fall out cause of some childish happening. and guess what, the worst thing is that i was the reason why we fell out. and i'm the reason why we're not friends anymore cause i'm such a low-life jerk that has an EQ of -1500.
i freaking hate myself and i'm gonna go and make myself scarce by hiding under a rock or something.
everyone seems to be busy doing something else. with some other people. while i'm lying here alone typing furiously on this tiny laptop. and i might sound like a sad case of sour grapes but heck that's how i feel and i clearly know that it is of my own fault and my faults alone. i've never been good at keeping a lot of friends. i tend to close in on one when i find that that person is truly someone i can connect with both emotionally and mentally. and i guess that along the way i have lost track of all the other friends that i have actually connected with but have merely dismissed them as temporary or shallow. i have never been good in large crowds, have always been putting up this front cause its a case of i-don't-know-who-you-are and i-dont-care-who-you-are to even try and be open about myself and my feelings. and it seems like along the way they kinda sensed that i was being like that and i guess somehow lost interest half way . then decided to get on with more truthful (or so they seem to be) people. i've been thinking alot about it lately and i guess that's the most sound reason when i see my close friends (or at least 'once' close friends) choosing to hang out with other ppl over me. gosh i sound so childish i hate myself for even feeling this way or for even noticing these things. and of course there are those rare finds where i get to meet this awesome person and we click and everything but we fall out cause of some childish happening. and guess what, the worst thing is that i was the reason why we fell out. and i'm the reason why we're not friends anymore cause i'm such a low-life jerk that has an EQ of -1500.
i freaking hate myself and i'm gonna go and make myself scarce by hiding under a rock or something.
posted by N.F at
7:58 PM
1 Comments:
I checked my phone. You were talking to me around this time. COME ON LAH ZUL.
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