i've been feeling quite weird lately. and never really got the chance to blog about it. with all the things life is throwing at me, i felt a strong urge to run from anything anyone that comes my way. i wanted to seek isolation from the pressure of the upcoming exams and even away from my family. but to tell the truth, now i think twice. after returning from my grandma's house in JB, i feel changed and blessed. as cliche as it is sounds, i just can't say it in any other way.

Its a tradition in my family to go over to JB where my grandma is staying alone in a 2 storey bungalow. but i guess she's not technically alone cause my uncle is kinda staying there. i say kinda cause he's barely home half the time. staying at my grandma's house though it was only for a night. i felt like i have seen and learnt alot. at first i went over with much hesitation. i mean i was only 4 days away from prelims. i cant afford the time. but i went over still i didnt want to disappoint my grandma. when i was there i saw her and i felt sad. sad for her. sad for the fact that in that big old empty house which once was full of laughter was now empty except for her alone. i slept in the same bed as my grandma that night. and when i looked up to the ceiling i imagined the many lonely nights she spent. lying on that bed in the dark not necessarily needed anywhere. i felt my heart ache and stopped to think of how selfish i was thinking of my own needs when spending a night with my grandma would mean all the world to her. that night my heart felt heavy as i laid in bed next to her. i felt her slowly shifting her body adjusting herself, so as to lessen the ache she felt in her legs cause she was up cooking all day for her full grown children who would simply sashay in the next day, expecting her to feed them. i'm disgusted at the way they treat her. and i wish she would say something to them. but i guess that's what you call a Mother's Love?

the next day when everyone came and we sat down together in a huge group. i saw her smile and i guess i knew and understand. her utmost happiness comes from seeing her family come together. and on that day she was okay. despite her aching legs, she came with me and my family to visit the other relatives. and when she was there she didnt say much. she just sat in the background happy just by being amongst her love ones.

and this i truly admire. A dedicated woman. She's loves her family fiercely. A selfless mother.

And a strong woman in every way.