i never thought it would be this hard. i wanted us to be together tonight. cause the next two days would be difficult for us to come together. since you were here why couldnt you stay the night? i guess to a certain extent its selfish of me but all i'm asking for is to be with you. i dont ask for anything more. i'd give you everything in return. but when you told me you had to go, it just really struck me like a fucking slap on my face. i used to tell myself that maybe i'm pushing it, pushing you too far with all this requests. but i realise that i have not. you come by and stay when its convenient. so that you wouldnt be late for sch the next day. you stay when you dont have any other things to do or places to go. and when you stay, you spent the whole time occupied with your work. maybe its true. maybe i am not good enough. maybe i'm just a convenient pit stop for you till you move on to UCL or to some other person.

but i'm telling you i have already given everything to you. i'm nothing.